The Stranger
I recently heard someone say that freedom wasn’t “nothing left to lose” but rather, “nothing left to be.” What a powerful statement on the peace that comes with finally finding and accepting one’s authentic self. Carl Jung, the Swiss-born psychoanalyst and father of analytical psychology, may have said it best when he stated that “the privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”
Sadly, not everyone finds that sense of freedom in their lives as they remain slaves to their old beliefs and rote, internal tape recordings (self-talk), and negative self-thoughts that they never challenge.
Inauthentic Programming
Everyone on the planet has some type of program that runs in their heads and tells them who they are and what they are experiencing. These programs are usually run at an unconscious level, and while the brain is given a lot of credit for ruling us, the reality is that the brain is a mere organ. It is our thoughts that are the conductors of the train, propelling the obedient and unquestioning brain into action, reaction, emotion, conclusion, depression, worry, etc. Because the brain does not think, have a sense of time or context, or do any questioning for itself, it relies on thoughts to give its orders. For instance, we can relive a trauma or old experience through a simple thought, and because the brain doesn’t have the ability to discern if something is taking place now or if it happened 50 years ago, it will tell the body to react the very same way today as it did then. Without challenging our repetitive thinking, we reinforce the neuropathways in the brain, which are the shortcuts we automatically take. This robs us of the ability to assess a situation, event, or person from the more logical frontal lobe, which handles simple and complex processing of information, logic, and decision-making.
Our thoughts can inspire us to be open to new ideas and ways of seeing ourselves, or they can keep us believing the smallness and negative self-talk that ruins so many of us. They can pack the 500-pound suitcases we carry with the neatly folded wounds of our inner child, or they can tell us to let it all go.
Unchallenged, negative thoughts reinforce those feelings of being unlovable, unseen, unheard, easily replaceable, not worthy, etc. and we believe it as our truth, which we will overlay onto all aspects of our lives and continue needless suffering.
Studies have shown that on a physiological level, negative thinking has a correlation to increased vulnerability to dementia and immune system suppression. Yet, on an emotional or spiritual level, it can keep us from ever knowing our true selves. Repetitive negative thinking reinforces the cardboard cut-out versions of ourselves - the inauthentic versions we show the world - and leaves us strangers to our own desires, making true connection impossible.
The Good News
The good news is that awareness of our thoughts on a conscious level can help us to challenge the messages they are sending us. This challenge is where real life-changing shifts can be made. Change your thinking and change your life. For those of us who think we are unloveable, imagine defeating that thought and finding that we are indeed capable of being good partners and being loved by someone special. For those of us who struggle with being unseen, imagine finally being able to see how we are understood and appreciated by others. And for those of us who feel easily erased or replaced, imagine finally seeing how uniquely special and irreplaceable we are.
These shifts are very doable if we have the awareness to catch destructive thoughts and the courage to question if they serve us or keep us estranged from the authentic self. Sometimes, it’s as simple as a pause when one rears its ugly head, giving us the opportunity to confuse our algorithms and force the brain to adapt to new patterns. I've begun catching my own thoughts that are keeping me trapped in false narratives and keep me from being the best version of myself. I am surprised by their frequency, yet I keep swatting at them like the annoying little gnats they are. I've gotten into the habit of stopping myself by shocking myself and abruptly telling them to knock it the $&*@ off!
These exercises can change our lives in ways we never imagined, allowing us to drop those heavy suitcases and finally meet ourselves as friends instead of strangers.