Permission
“Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another.”
Wow, time flies! It’s hard to believe it has been so long since my last post. And frankly, I’ve missed it.
Time off the hamster wheel for one summer quickly turned into fall, winter, spring and another summer. I slowed down considerably and took the time needed to allow reflection on the routines and cycles of my life. It allowed me to reel some things in and expand others, make decisions about where I want to go personally and professionally and travel the globe like a gypsy. Like a much needed closet clean out, it allowed me to decide what should stay in my life going forward and what will be in the rear view mirror. Had I not given myself permission to do this, I may have become a spiritually dead, robotic version of myself going through the motions of the familiar, without passion or meaning. All that started with permission asked (by me) and permission granted (by me).
Permission is usually something we think about asking or giving to others, but rarely do we think to ask or give to ourselves. It allows us to permit something that is wanted or needed in our lives, but so few of us even stop to question if we’re leading the type of lives we want. Permission requires that we take time to stop and reflect, and then it takes guts and a leap of faith to turn off the road we know so well and travel an undiscovered one. So many people think that life will change or we will have new experiences when something happens to us. But nothing will happen if we don’t take time to wonder what else (or who else) is out there - and act. Not giving ourselves permission is what keeps the self-imposed handcuffs on us. It keeps us frozen bystanders in our own lives.
Once we get comfortable with giving ourselves permission, we understand that it is not a selfish pursuit. Unburdening ourselves from all externally imposed notions about what we should look like, or act like, or what social circles we should be in is like looking down and realizing we had the key to those cuffs all along. Unlocking them shakes our hands free so we can bring new things towards ourselves. It makes space for us to feel we are really living and not just going through the motions.
Professionally, this time has let me reflect on the past 35 years of designing. It’s made deciding to drop some services that no longer instill passion or stretch me beyond the “been there, done that”, much easier. It’s given me permission to concentrate on the parts I love, like space planning, problem solving, home makeovers and one-on-one consulting in areas of life that really seem to make a difference to others. It’s also allowed me to think beyond the “here and now” and develop housing options that I don’t see offered in the current housing market.
Giving yourself permission to self-evaluate doesn’t mean you have to go into self-imposed exile. Looking at something as little as a few minutes a day or an hour a week can bring clarity. And you don’t have to look at all the pieces of your life at once, but it’s best to start with the ones you are avoiding - and you know which ones they are. They’re usually the ones that require making change, taking a stand, or some sort of action that will take us out of our comfort zones.
As the Interior Design Shrink, I help people who have given themselves permission to make change. And once they do, I help them with the anxiety and excitement that comes along with creating a new physical reality. I remind them that the same set of skills needed to clean out a junk drawer, or an overflowing closet, are the same set of skills needed for this type of clean out. Giving yourself permission to renew space in your home can be catalyst for renewing space in your life and make the things to dump more evident.
Giving myself permission to take a look at my life, personally and professionally, has allowed me to shake off the cuffs and experience a bliss I have never known before. It has allowed me to accept that I am enough as I am and to feel truly free. And all I had to do was grant myself permission.
