How Do I Love Thee?
By the time February rolls around, most of us are tired of complaining about the cold weather and the latest strains of Covid that are putting a monkey wrench into things. But I actually look forward to February because they hold one of the most important days of the year, Valentine’s Day. What’s more important than showing the people in our lives how much they mean to us, how much they enrich our lives and how they make us feel connected? I’m sorry the calendar only sets aside one day a year for this pursuit.
For any relationship to be healthy and thrive, it requires time and effort, even when we don’t always feel like it. As with most things in life, small efforts can have a deep and meaningful impact. Without those efforts, we can start to see the symptoms of deterioration rather quickly. We stop recognizing what it was that we loved about each other and we fall out of love.
The same is true with the relationships we have with our homes. Many of us forget to show our appreciation to the very place we begin and end each day. We forget that our homes have a pulse and energetically react to our input. If I were to add a new holiday to the calendar it would be devoted to bringing mindfulness to these sacred spaces. I’d have mushy cards thanking it for being the place where I show my family and friends how much I love them. I’d have funny cards thanking it for all the dinner parties and holiday memories created there, and I’d have serious cards thanking it for providing security and respite from the crazy world beyond its front door. But I know that this is not a one sided relationship. I know that I am doing my part to ensure our happy coupling.
With that perspective, it’s not hard to see how my role as an interior designer has paralleled that of a marriage counselor (thus, The Interior Design Shrink moniker). With first hand access to home and homeowner, I have been able to see all the ways neglect has crept into the relationship. The symptoms are easily detected to the trained eye and I can see the impact this strained relationship has on all those that live there. On several occasions, I’ve gotten called when people were on the verge of a “break up”. I’ve heard clients say “I just can’t stand my home anymore!” or “I can’t live like this one more day!”. Something has stopped working and they can’t always figure out what or why. The good news is that these cases aren’t hopeless. If a homeowner is willing to put in the effort and make some changes then there is always a way to fall back in love.
There are many ways we get into a relationship rut with the four walls around us. One of the most common is taking our homes for granted. We zip out the door in the morning and race to the very busy lives we’ve built in the outside world. We return home at the end of the day exhausted and don’t think twice about dumping backpacks and piles of mail and clothing everywhere. Perhaps were even too tired or too preoccupied to notice the trash that is blown into the bushes or the shutter that’s hanging by a hinge. Our homes sit silently as we choke out rooms with more “stuff” and home becomes little more than our own personal dumping grounds.
Another relationship killer happens when your home is excluded from the company of family and friends. Keeping the two apart can create a divide that is hard to span. We all need to go out and experience the world (near and far from home) but when more of our lives happen away from the home than in it, we can disconnect. Even in recent days when we’ve all spent so much time at home, it seems all I ever hear is complaining about being home. Imagine if we were as dismissive, took for granted or just downright complained about our romantic partners in that way. We’d all be miserable with one another.
By seeing the places we’ve become neglectful we can see the places where we need to focus our attention. If both home and homeowners’ needs are being met, it can make for a long and happy life together. So look around and see where you can rekindle that flame. Updating worn or outdated furnishings can be the equivalent of giving your home a large box of chocolates. A fresh coat of paint can restore its youthful glow. And occasionally, bring it flowers as a reminder that you are grateful to have it in your life.
