Can You Spare Some Change?

I’d been talking to a friend about the subject of change. She wondered why it was difficult for her husband to entertain the notion of even changing a paint color. It was a source of great frustration to her, but I assured her that her situation was not unique. Many people embrace change with curiosity and pleasure. Yet for others, the mere thought of changing a paint color, let alone changing a pattern of behavior or long held belief, can lead to paralysis.

I am in the business of change. My job is to help people find new ways to self-express when the old ways don’t seem to work anymore.  I do it with the props of home furnishings, but the mindset needed to see one’s home differently is the same mindset needed to see one’s life differently. 

Even though clients call me for help, I am prepared for the hesitancy (and sometimes the hostility) that often comes from leaving the old and familiar and trying on something new and unknown. We’ve all seen those makeover shows where the person has stopped evolving, yet meets a proposed new look with excuses, protests and panic. As an interior designer I understand how scary it is for clients, hoping that the changes I propose won’t be a total demolition of who they are, but rather, a pleasantly surprising expansion.

Over the years I’ve seen people fall into two categories. I’ve noticed that those who embrace change as a constant in life are more open to tasting the buffet that life has to offer. By deciding what they’ll take and what to pass on, they have more control over the state of balance in their lives. They have a better understanding of the choices they’ve made in the past, both the successful and the not so successful ones. This knowledge serves as a compass leading them to make decisions about where to go next.  It’s no surprise that this mindset has fewer rules, less pre-conceived notions or self-imposed limitations, thus making it easier to adapt in a world that’s constantly changing.

I’ve also seen the flip side. Even where there is a proclaimed desire for change, the fear of stepping away from what is already known is too great. These folks are not willing to believe that the unexplored world is really worth all the effort needed to discover it. They may consciously or unconsciously self-sabotage to avoid making the choices needed to propel forward in life. By choosing to limit the opportunities for change, they are destined to be limited in their journey of self-discovery and tripping over the same issues time after time. Like a dog chasing it’s tail, all energies are put into staying in the same spot year after year, disregarding the fact that this is an impossible quest, as life changes, with or without our permission. Choosing to stay stagnant or choosing to grow takes the same amount of energy, just a different intention for the outcome.

For many of us, the call to change starts with an internal feeling that one or more areas of life aren’t running smoothly. If we listen, change can greet us gently in the form of choices presented for our consideration. Because change is constant, our attention is needed many times over the course of our lives. But most of us get so distracted by the fast pace of life that we don’t stop to check in to see what still fits and what doesn’t.  Doing so can be as formal as a meditative practice, a consultation with a designer or a scheduled session with a therapist.  Or it can be as simple as giving yourself 5 minutes of daydreaming or sitting in your quiet living room with a glass of wine, turning off the rest of life’s demands for a precious few minutes. If we keep ignoring the gentler requests for our time, the universe has a wonderful way of forcing us into change – through illness, deterioration of relationships or taking away the finances, status and “stuff” we may have identified with.

For my money, it’s easier to self-evaluate my life than to have circumstance and happenstance do it for me. My motto is “change is always good, even if it doesn’t look like it at the time”. Change is the action that propels us into a deeper understanding of who we are and what we really need. An old yoga teacher once said that every breath is an opportunity for change – not every year or every hour – but every breath! That makes me see the divine in impermanence, and that no decision or belief has to be cast in stone. And, like the makeover show contestants, there is always the possibility that change will drop me off in an even better place than the one I already know.