20/20 Seeing Fear and Courage Clearly
“I say I am stronger than fear.”
While entering a new year and decade typically marks the passage of time and change, this particular new year seems to have come in with a very different vibration. For many of us, it feels like an urgent decision needs to be made about how we are going to show up in the world going forward, and what we are going to contribute to it.
For those that know me or have read by offerings over the years, you know that it is usually a personal experience that sparks my musings and examination of the bigger picture. This one was unique, in that I have never had something like this happen in my personal life or my more than 3 ½ decades of professional life. Shortcutting to the details, a new client recently screamed at me with such uncontrollable vitriol that it really rocked me. The perceived problem, which was minor and quickly and calmly resolved on my part, seemed less personal and more of an extension of the chaotic and emotion charged discourse we are seeing all around us.
I couldn’t shake the question of why this person appeared at this time and place for me. Distancing myself from the incident, I viewed it as an observer and saw that he was a lesson, as all things are. I thought about the ways that we show up, consciously or unconsciously, to each other and to the world. Are we showing up from a place of fear that makes us act out, or a place of courage that allows us to stand grounded in the face of such experiences? This experience allowed me to check in and see how I was showing up and see if I had the courage to let go of things that did not serve me, or our collective humanity, as I move forward.
I have always felt that fear (of change, scarcity, abandonment, losing ones sense of power, etc.) is at the root of all of our personal and societal sufferings. Fears’ effects are harsh and quite damaging for something that does not exist in a physical or tangible state of matter, and it can so easily be weaponized to cause harm to others or ones own self. Yet, fear itself is actually very lazy, as it does nothing more than relies on old ways of thinking and reacting to continue its destruction. It causes us to go to defaults like anger and acting out when there are other options. The sad irony is that fear doesn’t exist unless we continue to fan its flames and voluntarily pour the same fuel onto its fire. It doesn’t exist unless we choose to keep showing up as its screaming representative.
Shifting into the new and unknown is scary for most because it requires making a decision – do we continue with the familiar and fear based, or do we take a leap of faith and choose to discover something better to offer ourselves and the world? Many of us avoid even asking that question because it requires courage to answer it, but how many more days, years and decades do we have left to keep that question unanswered? Just looking at the state of the world makes answering that question feel pretty urgent.
Unlike fear, courage is not lazy. It demands action and the fortitude to keep trodding through our past experiences and repetitive thoughts and actions even when we want to give up and retreat back to them as our default. It asks us to expand the way we see things and understand others points of views. It stands up to the jeers of the fearful. It demands us to be warriors and keep going forward towards the best versions of ourselves.
In the end, fear has no rewards to shower us in, just more of the same suffering and staying stuck. It can leave us feeling unloved or unworthy because it tells stories about ourselves and others that may not be true. Courage’s rewards on the other hand are abundant. For our hard work we are repaid with strength, inner wisdom, and an understanding of our purpose in life. We have compassion for our fellow human beings and are able to bask in the gift of truly living (not merely being alive) with more ease and abundance.
I have often said that life’s lessons do not appear in beautifully wrapped boxes. They often appear in ways that cause pain at the time they are presented to us. But I am grateful for the lesson I have learned through this recent experience. It has solidified my efforts and commitment to keep walking toward courage and away from fear, and helping others to do the same. It has given me more appreciation for the pages that I turn on my calendar and a hope that we all chose to show up as kinder, gentler beings for the next new days, years and decades.
